“If I gain the world, would it be worth the price?
To work these hands to death, and not be satisfied?
If every effort brought another sleepless night, I’d be so tired.
I have strived enough to know that this divide
can never be repaired through countless second tries.
Still I stay the course avoiding what is right
Now I’m so tired…. I’m just so tired.”
– “Relent (Reconstructed)”, by Citizens
I went to urgent care today for a very intense headache. It’s been something I’ve been dealing with for a long time, and I really wanted some answers. I was diagnosed with migraines a few months back and given a medication to assist when they happened again. The problem was that it wasn’t helping this round- hence the urgent care visit.
I went to urgent care today for a very intense headache. It’s something I’ve been dealing with for a long time, and I really wanted some answers. I was diagnosed with migraines a few months back and given a medication to assist when they happened again. The problem was that it wasn’t helping this round- hence the urgent care visit.
After explaining all the problems and symptoms I’d been experiencing, the Doctor looked deep in thought. After a few moments he said, “I think you’ve been misdiagnosed. I don’t think they are migraines, but actually cluster headaches. Just as painful, but that medicine they prescribed isn’t going to help you much.”
I was surprised to say the least- I thought I had been doing everything right. I asked him what I could do instead. He smiled for a second and said, “Seems simple, but oxygen. Oxygen is the answer to your problems… you’ve just got to breathe.”
He got me on an oxygen mask among some other hook-ups and had me sit for a half an hour. For a half an hour I breathed in, and out… in, and out. And without sounding dramatic, I felt better with every second that passed. The fog I had been living in for weeks began to lift, and I could legitimately seek clearly, and without the blur I was trying to navigate through.
And then something clicked: God is the oxygen to my lungs to every problem I face. While I have a tendency to look for solutions in my own strength and resources, I overlook the simplicity of a good Father who only wants good for me. Every piece of His being is good, including His intentions for me and my life. So in looking for other solutions, I bypass Him.
“You are my oxygen,
You’re making me want to live again….
My lifeblood, my true love
My reason, my because
My hope when I’m hopeless
You never run out, You’re the source of it
The moon in my night sky
My vision when I’m blind
When I quit, You still fight
You fight for me”
– “Oxygen,” by Steffany Gretzinger
We don’t need to be strong, we just need to be still. I am convinced that stillness in the Spirit is the antidote to every anxiety // fear // depression // care in the world. Perfect peace is obtainable, if we only know to breathe in, and out… in, and out.
That’s not to say that peace is immediately obtained- I’ll have you know I am currently huddled on my couch, wrapped in a blanket, trying to balance the light coming from my computer screen with the low threshold I have for any type of light at all. I’m still in pain, and I will probably continue to be in pain for the next few days. But I’m content in the comfort He’s providing in the moment. “God reserves His best medicine for our times of deepest despair,” (Streams in the Desert, Cowman), and I’m holding onto that, and breathing in, and out peace…. in, and out peace.
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